Hey everyone! I hope you all are having a joyful week. This post however, I want to talk about something that is not so joyful. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Take a second. Okay. Breathe. Driving myself around is still a huge hurdle for me. I tend not to drive far, or avoid the area where I was hit. I often feel cars are too close to me and the trauma comes back again. A lot of the times they aren’t even close it is just my mind being taking over by the fear and anxiety of my car accident.
This past weekend I was driving my wife to our nephew’s basketball game. I was so excited despite knowing I would be in a bright gym with florescent lights, loud noises, and surrounded by people I did not know. I played basketball all of my life, and this is a way for me to connect with my nephew. I knew I was going to have anxiety, and I would get a terrible migraine but this was worth it. Well, as we were on the highway this car was trying to change lanes when I was right beside them and they nearly hit me!
Fear, anxiety, stress, my heart beating out of my chest, and feeling hopeless that is what it felt like. PTSD is now something I have to deal with. We finally made it to his game, and I felt like the world was on my shoulders. They won the game, so that did lift my spirits! However, after the game we went out to eat with my sister-in-law’s family. Great, now I have to keep up conversation. My head was killing me, and my anxiety was at its peak. Onward we go.
I have become good at faking like I am following along, but in reality, I cannot remember the conversation we were having. I was so lost. My brain was fried. I put on a smile, and tried to have a good time.
Anxiety drains the body. My traumatic brain injury and this PTSD wears me out. The following day I did not leave my couch. I had to take a nap in the afternoon, because I could not stay awake and I was still very overwhelmed.
I never really experienced a PTSD episode such as that one before. I have been overwhelmed before, but this fear that I had, how fast my heart was racing, how strong my anxiety was, and how it completely shut my body and brain down was all new.
It was so real. It was as if the accident happened all over again. Has this happened to you? If so I am sorry, I am sorry that out of nowhere you can be crippled as if you are strapped to a hospital bed. What I can say though is that it passed. It took me good 24 hours to get over it, but I did.
I took time to mediate using my CozyPhones I bought off Amazon allowing me to lay down and rest as I listen to my mediation music. I had my essential oils going, and I just took a step back. Sometimes we just have to stop. Stop what we are doing and allow our minds and body to recharge.
I am still learning ways to deal with PTSD in the moment. My new life coach will be helping me out, but as for now I will use my home remedies and figure this thing out.
I just keep telling myself this is a process.
There is hope.
I will be fine.
Thank you for being in my corner.
Until next time – Travis.